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Valley World: The Ratchet Diaries of STD/TheFlamingBisexualQueen
#TheFlamingBisexualQueen is the third episode of first season of Valley World. Episodes SCENE 1 On the night of a full moon, Deandra and Tanedra stop at a gas station. TANEDRA: OML. Sofrita will totally kill us if she catches us where poor people buy their tampons and gator aid at the same place. DEANDRA: IKR. Let’s rub it in her face by sending her an insta selfie. TANEDRA: Okay. The girls then pose for a quick selfie where the Masked Barbie stands behind them in the shot. BOTH: O-M-G!!! RUN!!! The girls then run in opposite directions. DEANDRA: I think we lost hi– Deandra realizes that Tanedra split away from her. DEANDRA: Ugh! Stupid rat. Tanedra runs all the way to Sofrita’s house where her maid answers the door. CONSUELA: Hello? TANEDRA: Hey! Can I come in? CONSUELA: No! This isn’t my house. TANEDRA: I know that. Can I please speak with Sofrita. CONSUELA: Ohhh! Yes. Miss Sofrita isn’t here. TANEDRA: Well where is she? CONSUELA: Top. Secret. Business. Bye Consuela slams the door in Tanedra’s face. TANEDRA: Ugh. SCENE 2 Elsewhere in a car, Sofrita is talking with Antonio her sugar daddy. SOFRITA: So, like are you gonna give me money now. ANTONIO: In a minute. Antonio gropes Sofrita’s boobs. SOFRITA: Now? ANTONIO: FIIIIINE. Sofrita then gets out of the car and walks to the mall for some midnight shopping. SOFRITA: (singing) LA LA LA I’m a happy girl in a valley world. The mall is closed. SOFRITA: SHIT! FUCK! Welp my life is ruined. Detective Lee Kaybaum stands behind her. LEE: Hello Sofrita. SOFRITA: FUUUUCK!!!! You triggered me. LEE: You mean scared? SOFRITA: Nope. I know what I meant. Lee then walks over to Sofrita and gives her a threat. LEE: Listen here, you dumb whore…I have big plans for you. Deandra. And Tanedra. SOFRITA: Are you hitting on me? LEE: HAHA. NO! Lee then walks away. SCENE 3 The next day, the girls are at school filming for their reality show. SOFRITA: Then that detective wench totally tried to come on me… DEANDRA: But aren’t you a lesbian? SOFRITA: Um…I’m a FLAMING BISEXUAL. Check your hetero-privilege. TANEDRA: Yeah Deandra. You’re so biphobic. SOFRITA: Besides…I scissor with hot skinny vampire chicks… Not old grannies. In the confessionals. SOFRITA: Deandra is pissing me off….. And I will cut the bitch if she keeps testing me. DEANDRA: I can’t help it if I speak the truth… And I’m hot af. Back in the school, Lee appears and arrests Tanedra. LEE: I am arresting you, believing you to be the mastermind of the Masked Barbie killings. TANEDRA: WHAT!? No. Can I please finish my lunch. LEE: No. Lee puts Tanedra in handcuffs and takes her away. SOFRITA (sarcastically): Oh no! Please don’t take Tanedra…and their gone. I can stop caring. DEANDRA: Yeah. Willow walks over to Sofrita and Deandra. WILLOW: What’s happening to Tanedra? SOFRITA: …….Do I know you? WILLOW: I’m Willow. You call me “Goth Girl” and “Hot Topic”. SOFRITA: OHH. Idk. DEANDRA: Bye…. Willow walks away. DEANDRA: I swear that freak is the killer. SOFRITA: Totes. In the confessionals. TANEDRA: How’d this happen!? I’m being arrested by someone who smells like hotdog water and is literally called Leaky Bum. SCENE 4 In the police interrogation room, Tanedra is being put under the spotlight. LEE: Admit that you are the killer so I can go for a smoke. TANEDRA: I have nada to admit to. LEE: Then why do I have witnesses saying that you were tweeting out death threats to Daphne. TANEDRA: Because I’m a troll…. What of it? Besides that proves nothing. LEE: Maybe…But maybe you are a serial killer. TAENDRA: Umm…No? LEE: LIAR!!! I have a twin sister and I know when little bitches lie to me. TANEDRA: Okay…if anyone of us Valley Girls are the killers’ it will be Sofrita. I once saw my mom and her arguing over a man. Sofrita then appears sitting in the interrogation room. SOFRITA: I want a lawyer. SCENE 5 Continues with the interrogation. SOFRITA: I can’t be the killer because I was attacked by her. LEE: True. Tanedra back in the interrogation room. TANEDRA: Why do I get the feeling you’re just picking on me and Sofrita. Is Deandra your daughter or something? LEE: WHAT!? NO. HAHA. TANEDRA: OMG. She is. Haha this is tragic. Deandra is adopted haha Tanedra goes to Sofrita’s house. TANEDRA: You’ll never guess what I found out about Deandra? Elsewhere in a parking lot, Deandra is going to her car when she is suddenly knocked out by Masked Barbie and wakes up in a small box. DEANDRA: What the fuck…. Help I’m like totally claustrophobic!!!! The box then dismantles itself revealing that Deandra is now trapped in a room with no way of escape. DEANDRA: This is… like that episode of Pretty Little Liars. I guess that makes me the hot one. Jenna watches Deandra from a camera control room. JENNA: This is going to be the most lit show ever. FINAL SCENE At school, Willow walks over to Sofrita and Tanedra. WILLOW: Have you guys heard? SOFRITA: WHAT!? No TANEDRA: Deandra got kidnapped. SOFRITA: Oh…. Yeah. Forgot about that hoe. WILLOW: Don’t you care about your friend? Sofrita and Tanedra shrug their shoulders. SOFRITA: Her real mom did it to make her look less of a psycho. TANEDRA: Agreed. Suddenly a crossbow arrow appears out of nowhere and cuts through Willow, killing her instantly while a Trisha Paytas laugh is heard in the background. BOTH: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Category:Valley World: The Ratchet Diaries of STD Episodes